Continuing our series of blog posts shining a light on the new Scottish content of u.lab (or the SMOOC), Kuladharini shares the insights she gained from her 500 mile walk around Scotland in the summer.

An unravelling is taking place in me at some level during these moments of presencing, bits of identity are falling off like roof tiles in a storm. I have been on a mission for the last 6 years and my sense of self has been organised around a real clarity of purpose and knowing how to get there.

Recovery from addiction in Scotland has been my particular passion. For the last 6 years I have been at the head of the Scottish Recovery Consortium and in a fine place to do something about it. I remember the very first goal we had was to gather the people in recovery together and be visible to ourselves. The courage that grew from that for us all was palpable. We made community. We brought those communities and individuals together on the very first Recovery Walk Scotland across the forth road bridge in 2013. Since then we have been building a movement. A movement that is beginning to grow in self determination. We roll in thousands at recovery walks now.

I took a very long walk this summer to sense this country of ours with my body. I joined my sister Karen on a 500 mile recovery walk round Scotland. Its took us 29 days and we walked 20 miles a day on average. I have come back a different person. I can see and feel now a quietness taking over me, a desire for deeper solitude. The strongest sense I had though, was of completion.

During the journey I heard new voices of recovery, a new generation that are ready and waiting perhaps to have the stage. I could hear the mission that had nourished and led me for the last 6 years was finishing with me…  I have to go and make space for the next generation.

Its a time to sit at the bottom of the u and breath by breath allow the future to emerge, I know that I am leaving on the terms set by the movement not my terms, so it will be a year before I go into another unknown.  Its not for me to know what next for me, its not relevant at the moment it seems- that’s what savings are for, breathing spaces and empty days.

I have known this would happen sooner or later, I am only glad I heard the message as a whisper and a knowing and that I didn’t have to wait to find people passing notes round the room saying ‘ when is she going to leave? ‘ In the through the gate visualisation on this year’s course, I found myself going into the deep forest and there joining the circle of elders in contemplation.

It felt like peace after a long journey.

You can see Kuladharini share her story here: https://vimeo.com/235329965

If you would like to share a story from your u.lab journey, get in touch with Keira at ulabscot@gov.scot